Slow The Clock: 3 Ways Dads Can End The Scramble Against Time & Connect With Their Kids

All of us dads feel the pinch of time. The hour before bedtime as you clean up dinner and wrangle kids can feel interminable. But then you flip through family photos and see your kids as toddlers and remember how they used to mispronounce words, and you can't fathom where the time went.

"The days are slow and the years are fast."

This rings true. And it's disconcerting. We want to raise strong children and bond with them deeply, but time feels stacked against us.

What if we could slow time? What if we could father our kids in such a way that time was our ally and not our adversary? This not only minimizes regrets we have as dads, but most importantly - it deepens our relationship with our kids.

We can end the mad scramble against time through 3 practices:

Attention.
Intention.
Retention.

ATTENTION 

“Hey Daddy - watch this!"

In this common, draining, and beautiful request, our kids prove how desperately they want our attention. How do we react? Do we quickly glance up from our phones only to return scrolling through our inbox? Or do we give our kids our full attention and give them our eyes?

The fact that dads need to give their kids attention seems incredibly obvious. But it's easily missed. Too often we give into the efficiency of multitasking and choose to write the last email and make dinner, all while barely listening to our kid's story. Giving our undivided attention to something feels inefficient. But in it we communicate to our kids that they're seen and cared for.

And it's in these moments where we fix our eyes on our kids that time slows. We begin to see what's often overlooked…

the creativity in their art
their quirky sense of humor
the disappointment in their voice.

Time evaporates most quickly when we disengage from the present. When we're worried about the next thing on our schedule, or preoccupied with our phones - we miss the beautiful mundane that's right in front of us.

Giving our full attention to our kids is a choice not to miss out. We choose to slow ourself down so we might see the joys, the pains, and, most of all, see our kids.

INTENTION 

Time slips through our fingers not only when we're unengaged in the present, but also when we have no plan for the future. Time races unhindered when we don't disrupt routine with planning and action.

It's easy to fall into "scramble mode" as a father where you're juggling nine responsibilities at once. There are undoubtedly busy seasons in life, but this scrambling with your kids is usually the result of a lack of intention.Instead of being reactive to life's countless demands, intention proactively plans the future. Intention recognizes that afternoons and weekends don't magically appear, they must be prioritized and fought for.

But intention includes more than simply safe guarding time on the calendar. It also gives thought for how that time is spent. This is the critical piece of intention. It's not simply enough to block out a few hours of time, we as dads must also shape what that time looks like. Intention is taking time and imbuing meaning into it.

These plans don't have to be elaborate or expensive. Playing in the park can absolutely be intentional - so long as it has a purpose behind it. Intentional time speaks volumes to our kids. It shows we set aside time just for them and constructed that time together based upon who they are. What better way to spend our time and love our kids well. 

RETENTION

If attention allows us to engage the present and intention helps us plan the future, then retention enables us to examine the past.

If we want to end the scramble against time, why should we spend it looking back? Because by remembering we sift through our days and unearth the goodness of our kids and God that might otherwise be missed.

Dan Allender says, "we can only reclaim that which we name." The naming of what's occurred prevents the blurring of life into an unspecific and monochrome reel. Remembering enables retention. This isn't nostalgic living in the past, it's a spiritual discipline. Throughout Scripture God urges his people to remember what he has done for them.

Remembering and retaining disrupts our tendency to forget. When we rummage our days - like one would do when looking through a drawer for something - we're able to name and retain goodness, significance, or pain that we might have been unaware of as it was happening.

Retention feels like a ninja physics trick that lets us slow time and glean from it, even after it has passed. This fosters connection with our kids by giving us perspective that we often don't have in the moment. Retention cultivates gratitude for our kids and all of their quirks. And in doing so it primes the pump for us to offer them our attention in the coming days - knowing those moments are significant even if they're mundane.

Next Steps: Slow The Clock Checklist 

• Give your kids your attention. Spend 15 minutes each day with your kids - no cell phone, no email, no side conversations. Give them all your energy and attention.
• Give your kids you intention. Look at your calendar and block out two hours to spend alone with each of your kids. Then craft that time around who they are - pick a challenge, surprise, or activity that you know will be meaningful for them to do with you.
• Practice retention. Spend 20 minutes reflecting on the week that's just finished. Consider your kids and write down what sticks out - the more specific the better.

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