Open Up the Doors

It was hectic, frantic, and there was no time to stop and think or to even really experience what we were in the middle of doing. All there was time for was the doing. All doors open, blankets and plastic thrown over railings and carpets, and start piling in all the stuff…

My wife and I had been in the process of purchasing a new home for about 4 weeks. Not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but the amount of headache and heartache encountered along the way made it feel more like a year. At no point did anything ever feel like a “done deal”. It was shaky ground at best for the whole process. Even down to closing, there were delays and possibilities of the sale not going through.

As we were waiting to find out what time we could go to closing, unsure if it would really happen or not, movers were busily piling boxes and furniture into a truck. While we were sitting at closing, waiting for confirmation of funds before we could take possession, that same truck was sitting in front of the new house waiting to unload our things. I palpably felt the threat that at any point the rug could be pulled out from under our feet. Meanwhile, my faith warrior of a wife rested assured in the promises God had made to us in prayer. (What a woman!)

After the briefest of moments of celebration when all the papers were signed and keys were in hand, we rushed to the house to let the movers in. I quickly carried her over the threshold of our new home, and then we went right to work. The very first thing we did was to open up all the doors in the house to give us and the movers access to unload all our stuff where it needed to go. A long day became longer, and mental exertion was instantly replaced by back breaking physical labor.

It wasn’t until a couple days later, once the muscle soreness really started to set in, that my brain and heart began to catch up with what had just happened. I reflected on what it looked like to “take possession” of a house. Pay the price, get the keys, open all the doors, move in your stuff. What a picture of how Christ takes up residence in us! He paid the ultimate price, and our decision to follow him hands him the keys to our hearts. Admittedly, “opening up all the doors” gives me pause, though.

As I’ve been diving deeper into my story and seeking healing, it sure seems like I keep finding new rooms in the house of my heart where the doors are closed, locked, even boarded shut zombie apocalypse style. For me to allow the stuff of God to take full possession of my heart, I have to open up those doors and invite him into that space. Sometimes it’s a simple twist of the doorknob. Sometimes I have to go digging through the junk drawer to find a key. Sometimes it takes a prybar or kicking them in altogether.

I have the tendency to try and do just about everything on my own. If I don’t know how to do it, rather than ask for help, I will search YouTube and online forums for hours until I feel like I have enough knowledge to try and tackle the task myself. In the meantime, I also love to help other people with even the simplest tasks. Those may seem like admirable qualities in some contexts, but over time in important relationships, that has translated into me being stubborn, not accepting help from others, and feeling rejected and resentful when they don’t accept help from me. There’s a bit of a double standard there, don’t you think? I wonder how those people feel when I refuse their help?

More recently, I’ve been trying to take a harder look at why I am that way, and wouldn’t you know, there’s another one of those doors. Behind it is a much younger me, feeling like he’s the only one responsible for himself and everyone else around him, but no one will be responsible for him. Unlocking that door and letting God into the room to love on that little boy hasn’t been an easy task. I find myself having to go back and re-open it often.

Those doors need opening. For me, for my wife, for my brothers, and for my future kids.

What doors in your heart still need to be opened in order for God to fully move in? What doors feel boarded up or padlocked- too vulnerable to let anyone in?