Good Gifts

Gifts are almost always associated with occasions. A birthday, Christmas, a wedding. Think of the lengths some of us may go to find “the perfect gift”. The frustration of trying to buy something for “the guy who has everything”. The resignation we feel standing in line at a drug store with a bland Visa gift card for 20 bucks because we failed to give thought in time for the birthday party that starts in an hour. Gifts commemorate. Gifts show we care. Gifts go over like a stone balloon with an embarrassing chuckle: “well, it was the thought that counts”. But what are gifts originally designed to do? Answers abound, to be sure, but they ultimately are to communicate worth, value, or appreciation to another.

Just as he is. “There is no more powerful way to acknowledge others than to be thankful for them just as they are” writes Peter Bregman, a leadership coach who understands communicating appreciation to others. Peter received a handwritten note from a few friends who communicated their appreciation for him just as he is. He described this gift as being quite meaningful, and it raised the idea in his mind the notion of appreciation and thoughtfulness had less to do with financial cost or clever gift-selection, and more to do with thoughtfulness.

This raised a question in my mind: What is a good gift that may cost me to spend a different type of currency - not the financial type but arguably my most precious of commodities: Thoughtfulness, creativity, intentionality and the biggest of all, time.  

This summer I had the opportunity - despite the “moving target” of what one can or cannot do at any given week - to give my son a gift. It was not wrapped, per se. Amazon did not deliver it, it didn’t need AA batteries, and if it didn’t fit, it couldn’t be returned. This gift also cost me. Yes, it was close to a grand all told - but it was not a tangible gift. How could one spend so much money and not have something tangible to show for it?

The money I spent yielded no object; nothing parked in the garage or connected to the TV. Yet this was one of the largest expressions of worth I’ve ever communicated to my son: That I see his glory and declare its goodness. Restoration Project skillfully creates just the right venue for this, a father-son backpacking trip they lead in the wilderness of Colorado. Knowing full well the detachment from screens and schedules will set the table for awareness and acknowledgment of the good gifts that the heavenly father has bestowed on our sons needed to be called out in the company of others.

Gazing into his eyes, there is now no question that his earthly dad sees what his heavenly father has given him, and that I love him, just as he is. I did not give him the gifts, but rather gave him the gift of intentional expression of his worth. The moment needed to be marked so when the storms of life blow, there is no question of his firm identity in Christ and the goodness he possesses. 

Just as I gave of myself in a small way by comparison to him, I received from others who delighted in sharing with me their passions and interests. A dear brother patiently, skillfully showed me how to shoot his 9mm pistol. Another man explained the intricacies of his new compound bow with such enthusiasm and kindness. A few hours with a few good friends was a gift to me I didn’t expect, didn’t see coming, and was preceded by a bit of, I’ll confess, some anxiety.

I did not ever imagine how fulfilling it would turn out to be. While these men spent a few bucks on the ammo I fired - what they really spent; the cost they really paid, was of their time and intentionality, layered in kindness and joy. 

These and other men I know and love inspire me to turn toward people and spend a similar currency: time, knowledge, enthusiasm, and kindness. Seared into my son's memory is the same currency his dad spent to give him a good gift. I trust that the experience will come to his mind, when he makes me a grandfather, to turn to his son and gift him with the same words of intentionality: “I see God’s goodness in you”.

What are those times you felt most appreciated? Deeper still: When did another bear witness to seeing God's goodness and glory in you?

What is a gift you can give your children that is costly, but even more than that, is good?

Dave Nieman
Restoration Project Advocate
San Diego, California