Disappointment and
As you read this, I was supposed to be sitting on a beach.
Since Covid, people have been rushing to gobble up camp sites as soon as they become available, so six months ago I reserved a campsite at Indiana Dunes State Park. Generally, you can count on late May being warm enough for going to the beach. But looking at the forecast today shows that while every single day on either side of this weekend looks wonderfully warm, this weekend is supposed to be unseasonably cold. Lows in the 40's and highs in the 50's is not my definition of beach weather.
So I canceled our hard-fought-for campsite.
This is a relatively small disappointment in the grand scheme of things, but a disappointment nonetheless. The strong temptation for me has been to ask God some pointed and somewhat angry questions: Why? What did I do wrong? What are you trying to teach me?
Some of you are going though MUCH more difficult circumstances, and your asking of those questions might feel significantly more weighty. The pain of your situation might be leading you back to a familiar state of trying to figure out what you are being punished for. Was it because of that thought I had last week? Or the mistake I made the other day?
But those questions expose a false narrative we have been holding onto.
What if we have subconsciously been trying to earn blessing? I do this all the time. I work hard to do the right thing, subtly trying to barter with God for good things to happen in my life. "If I just make wise decisions and keep my head down, all will work out well in the end." I trade my good works for his organization of the encounters I will have and his blessing on my plans.
My check engine light for this attitude towards my faith is when I find myself asking God what I did wrong to cause my plans to turn out differently than I wanted. That signals that I have fallen back into assuming that God is just going to do what I want because I have behaved well enough.
As Dr Larry Crabb said:
“We cannot count on God to arrange what happens in our lives in ways that will make us feel good. We can, however, count on God to patiently remove all the obstacles to our enjoyment of Him. He is committed to our joy, and we can depend on Him to give us enough of a taste of that joy and enough hope that the best is still ahead to keep us going in spite of how much pain continues to plague our hearts.”
Have you found yourself trying to figure out what God is punishing you for when your plans don't work out?
How has your disappointment revealed a false narrative of how you've been trying to earn blessing?
Cody Buriff, Director of Resource Initiatives
