That Time I Forgot My Dad's Birthday
We all sat down at Duke’s Chowder house- my dad, my wife, her brother and myself. We met up to share a meal and had just finished feasting on various seafoods and Duke’s signature chowder. As things started winding down, the server came by to ask the standard question, “Did anyone want to look at the dessert menu?”
My mouth was already open to reply with the default, “No thanks, just the check” when I heard my dad say, “Well, let’s see…I think I could go for a brownie sundae or some cake since it is my birthday...”
(RECORD SCRATCH)
(RECORD SCRATCH)
Things at the table seemed to freeze in time.
I turned my attention from the server to the rest of the table to be met with three looks-
My brother in law and wife- faces of shock and incredulity.
My dad - a small smirk and playful look in his eye.
After they got over the initial shock of me not knowing it was my dad’s birthday, the ensuing conversation came, “How could I not know?” “You forgot your dad’s birthday?!?”
My wife apologized to my dad profusely, and while it was all playful, there was an underlying thread of shame for me. Why didn’t I know my dad’s birthday? I was firmly in my 30s and yet, it hadn’t registered to me at all that it was my dad’s birthday?
Full confession, at this point in my life, if you had asked me when my dad’s birthday was, I probably would have had to said, “um, maybe some time in the fall?” (It’s August 5th)
We all had a good laugh at the moment, and I’ll get ribbed by my wife every year when it comes around.
The conversation that came afterward moved towards curiosity, we talked about my wife’s family and how big birthdays were growing up including her mom and dad’s . As I heard them talk about their experience, I realized I didn’t have many memories of my dad or mom making a big celebration out of their birthdays. The kids? for sure - cake, gifts, fun. Mother’s Day? Check. Father’s Day - socks and ties. Check.
But for whatever reason, I can’t remember my parents showing a lot of celebrating on their birthdays.
I’m thankful for my dad’s humble way of celebrating himself on that day, the grace and playful way he went about it had zero shame to it. My dad was secretly teaching me something about fatherhood that day- good fathers celebrate their sons, and don’t demand, manipulate or expect the favor returned and good fathers lead the way in celebrating
So as I write this, know two things,
one - I NEVER forgot my dad’s birthday after that.
two -this post is NOT to convince you to make sure your kids celebrate you…but to ask you the question.
How are you teaching your kids to celebrate?
What are you teaching them is worth celebrating?
Birthdays? Mother’s Day? When “the team” wins? What do you want the people around you to know is important and worth getting excited over?
Healthy men demonstrate a heart of celebration to their world and model the heart of God in celebrating worthy moments in their lives and the lives of those around them.
Birthdays are an example of how are hearts our wired to want other to join with us and affirm that what’s important to us is actually, really, truly, important to someone else. And there are so many things happening in the lives of those around us that is important if we look for it.
What if we showed our kids, our brothers, the people around us what we truly think is important and worthy through our unabashed enthusiasm?
Am I connected enough to my wife’s heart and current world to know what needs to be celebrated in her? What’s a big deal for her? At her job or in her life, what needs my enthusiasm and intentional honoring? What about your kids? Do you know what feels like a touchdown to your son or daughter? Your friends? What do they need to have affirmed that someone else sees them, their world and wants to rejoice with them?
May we be the people who are first to sing/shout the goodness of God in the people around us.
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Nic Howe, Restoration Project Grove Member and Key Volunteer
